Archive for the ‘ Observations ’ Category
Sometimes something stays with you forever. It is always a heart-pounding, breathless, thrumming immediacy. Other things are not so powerful, they beckon only slightly, they still exist intellectually but they are now part of the background hum; filtered-out chatter. They have become nonsensical and half-real. I think of many of my posts in these terms: [ READ MORE ]
These things I write. These emotions I have been given the gift to evoke. I have at my disposal descriptors for nearly every possible emotional-experiential influx. I can make the words I choose become motion pictures in your minds; make every feeling so gruelingly real that you are forced to feel it. I will chain [ READ MORE ]
I have been busy. It’s the playoffs (playoff beard in this heat has been murder but I persevere); I’ve got all sorts of reasons for why I’ve been basically ignoring my blog. None of them are really true though. It’s mostly just that I don’t have all that much to say right now, and wasting [ READ MORE ]
Inhale. Life flows through me; something awakens within, something ephemeral and barely tangible. It almost doesn’t register on my consciousness. My heartbeat skips and flutters, something tickles my mind. Exhale. Synapses fire, my pulse is pounding in my mind like drumbeats. Drums, drums in the deep. Inhale. I cannot find words. There are none. I [ READ MORE ]
Whatever happened to that phrase? A job of work. As in, “I’ve got a job of work to do.” I have held many jobs in my lifetime. I hold several right now. Some are paid with chits that are sanctioned as currency by one government or another. Others, the important ones I think, are paid [ READ MORE ]
“Today I will do what you won’t, so that tomorrow I can do what you can’t.” <[ READ MORE ]
Insomnia. When you have insomnia you’re never really asleep but you’re never really awake either. I don’t sleep well, I never have. I don’t keep what one might call regular hours and I’ve learned to function productively on very little rest. Sometimes, just sometimes, I can sleep for more than a few hours at a [ READ MORE ]
A conclusion has been drawn and redrawn among the people that know best, and that conclusion is that I do not feel feelings. This is more or less true at most times. For a large part of my life I had thought that feelings were a weakness (how very Sith of me, I know) but [ READ MORE ]
Призрак means ‘ghost’ in Russian. Pronounced: prizrak Sometimes I feel like one. Especially as I have truly begun to be able to let those little stressors, and the big ones, go. The ability to consciously choose what matters and what does not, to let what does not just slide by without feeling it. Ghosting through [ READ MORE ]
I’ve got my hand on the rail, holding on so hard my fingers are cramping, my grip – so seemingly sure – begins to slip. <[ READ MORE ]
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