Archive for the ‘ Life ’ Category

Tempered

Today will be a crucible, and I’m not certain, never certain, what will be forged and what will fall away.

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Dictionary Dreamer

I love the word “transmutation”.

I think because I love the idea that you can change something into something else. Like changing a bad mood into a good one, or a sense of melancholy hopelessness into a joie de vivre that authors impress upon on our characters but seem to seldom find in our personal lives.

I am a seeker. I am a dreamer. I am a writer.

I am all of these things which make me uniquely (not so in a sense and yet very so in others) suited to cataloguing the human condition; this human experience that can be so very ordinary in it’s extraordinariness and vice-versa.

I find that some of my most contented moments are when I am crafting an amalgamate of real emotional discourse and imaginary characters. Characters that, were I not quite so impressed with my ability to put words together, would not exist.

I tell some of my own story every time my fingers hit the keyboard on my laptop; every time some joy or pain bleeds off of the page it is because it has flowed through me into my stories.

My story becomes my stories becomes my (his)tory.

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I know that I have been given gifts, tremendous gifts. All of my talents and intelligence are a privilege, a gift. And they are a privilege that I am genuinely honored to have.

I feel that I have a responsibility to use them; there’s a quote, I’m not certain of the exact words so I’ll paraphrase:

“Your talents are your gift from God, what you do with your talents are your gift to God.”

Simplicities

I’ve been thinking. I know, I know; why would I ruin a perfectly good afternoon with that?

Well, I did it anyway and honestly it’s not a new thought I had. In point of fact, it’s not even particularly original.

But what it is is something that I find very much striking for it’s simultaneous complexity and simplicity.

We all know how much I love paradox:

In your life you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you, then you meet one person, and your life is forever changed.

It’s worth thinking about, no?

Oddities

Something tells me that this week is going to be odd.

I’ve got too many ideas. Sounds like whining doesn’t it? It’s hard to keep them all straight sometimes. I need to take a day, turn my phone off and just write.

Hmmm, and run. Which would require that I turn my phone on, since it’s my iPod. And one of my platforms for writing. And of course my link to the world.

A quandary. I enjoy puzzles.

I feel strangely guarded today, I’m not certain how I feel about that though. For a very long time, I had gotten so used to having these unbreachable, insanely thick walls, that I didn’t even notice that they were there anymore. When I’d finally torn them down and looked out into the sunny fields around my fortress:

I could finally breathe.

Now when I look out, I feel like there’s sun sparkling on a moat that constructed itself while I slept and I don’t know why and while it’s certainly pretty, it’s no longer necessary and I wonder why it is here.

I rather enjoy allegory.

Memor(ial)y

Today is Memorial Day. And today I feel somewhat obligated to write about the people who have fought and in some cases died for us.

When I think about what memorial day is supposed to mean, I think of friends that I have lost, friends who have sacrificed so much. I find the posturing of the media, politicians and others rather insulting. Yes, these men and women sacrificed their lives for an ideal, for what was best for the world. They also sacrificed themselves for things much more immediate and often times much more mundane.

Friends, family, an education. The guy next to you- there are many things more common than ideals that the men and women of our armed forces die for. As one of my friends says: ‘it’s a job, I get paid to do this.’

Today I don’t really want to think about the reasons we lose friends, family, countrymen; fellow human beings with hopes and dreams to wars that many times make no sense.

Today, I’m just going to say a vague thank you and to all of those that I have lost personally: I miss you, I always will.

Free

I’ve been running again, slowly and trying not to push myself too hard, but running nonetheless.

It’s crazy how much I’ve missed it (it’s literally only been like 10-14 days) and how much something so simple can improve your outlook.

Of course, my outlook has been improved by more than my being able/allowed to run.

And there is not much that could ruin my mood today.

I have been happier, more myself, freer and more content these past weeks than I can ever remember being.

Omnia causa fiunt.

Moments

I find myself making plans.

I feel warmth, where once there was an inky blackness, frost-covered and bleak, there is now light and life flowing outward.

I find myself smiling.