Archive for March, 2011

Shimmer

I never would have believed I could be sad over something that only existed in my mind, for a few scant hours, but i believe that during those flights of fancy I lived more than I have in a long time.

Life doesn’t always give you what you want, but it usually comes through with what you need.

Melancholy; i’d forgotten what a delicious feeling you can be.

Keep it real kids,

❤ ry

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Thinking thoughts/Feeling feelings

So I’ve been drinking, I mean thinking, thinking. And feeling feelings; confusion paramount among them all. A swirling maelstrom of doubt and hurt, attempting to cripple me when I most need my legs. I wonder what thoughts are thought when that mind muses on me?

She knows very well what it is she does.

Well played.

Keep it real kids,
❤ ry

ideas

Oh em gee….squeeeeeee
However you gauge your own excitement in the parlance of the interwebs: I had the most excellent/ridiculous idea for a sci-fi novel yesterday.

I am excited.

So excited that it completely covers/washes away almost everything that I am very unexcited about.

Work calls, and “when I leave, come together like buttcheeks”. (eddie griffin)

Keep it real kids

❤ ry

lift me up/let me go

Linkin Park playlist, that’s the inspiration for my title at least -the catalyst: great song.

However unoriginal my borrowing of Chester’s line may be; the words form an idea that I believe applies to my life. It’s been a very strange week. I am, of course, running fast and far: it is, for lack of inspiration, simply glorious.

The pieces are all lined up, majestic, like chess, waiting to be placed and pawned.

I will hold my moves close and my frenemies closer.

Keep it real kids,

❤ ry

leave out all the rest

Yesterday was moderately depressing.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be free of some things, mainly someone.

I think that trying to salvage a friendship from the wreckage of a relationship is one of the most difficult, if occasionally worthwhile, things any two people can attempt to do. There is always a ton of pain to work through and you will ask yourself at many points if it is worth it. The answer had better be yes, I believe in this case that it is.

I will be strong, I will survive, I will thrive. I will master my own skin and then this ball of rock we walk, so timidly, triumphantly, this will not beat me because I cannot be defeated by anything but my own doubt.

Gotta go to work, but I’m smiling again.

Keep it real kids,

❤ ry

26.2

It’s the holy grail of distance running. 26.2 miles and you’re suddenly in the same company as elite runners from all over the world.

You are heir to  Pheidippides (the first marathoner).

Pheidippides

The First Marathoner

Tomorrow begins the roughest six months of my life, to date. I will be eating less and running more than I ever have before.

I’m incredibly excited about this. Sadly, that’s not even slightly sarcastic;  I legitimately cannot wait to push the boundaries of what is possible, to push myself beyond my understanding of what my body is capable of.

It’s going to be, for lack of a better term (or sheer laziness on my part) epic.

I’m moving over the summer, my roommate is one of my best friends, he’s been through some pretty epic adventures avec moi, and I’m understandably quite excited about getting the band back together (pure metaphor, neither of us can play a musical instrument to save our lives).

I am however keeping the location of the aforementioned move close to the vest, as it were.

I very much enjoy starting new projects, in life, academically, even new video games are exciting. But I’ve sometimes had difficulties completing some of these projects. I get bored, lose enthusiasm, become more interested in something shiny, the list of distractions and hurdles goes on and on.

NO MORE.

FINIS.

I finally feel a sense of focus and determination that is at once stabilizing and revitalizing. It’s not something I honestly have the vocabulary to adequately describe: suffice to say, it comes from deep within and it is a moderately satisfying experience.

I will keep writing, obviously nothing can make me stop enjoying the sound of my own voice or the look of words I’ve added together to form ludicrously complex, abstract thoughts.

Curro Ergo Sum

Keep it real kids,

❤ ry

 

writing is redemption

I write books. And yes, before you ask, it is an incredibly cool feeling to be able to toss that off nonchalantly.

Redemption, my writing does not redeem me so much as I enjoy writing very complex, sometimes tortured heroes that have an intense psychological need for redemption of some sort.

It gives me a connection to a person I’ve never met, probably never will meet, who is reading what I have concieved.

I live for that ephemeral connection. The connection between the protagonist and the reader is even more tenuous, they’re the same, but only in the way a television and a microwave are the same; they’re both having a human experience and I’ve brought them together:

thus am I redeemed.

keep it real kids,

❤ ry