Archive for the ‘ Geek ’ Category

Where do I begin?

As the title says…at any rate 2012 is almost gone and it has been a year filled with both normalcy and insanity.

I rather like that.

I deleted my Facebook. Absolutely liberating that.

I dissolved the LLC I was partnered in, the short of the long – my partner never held up anything remotely resembling a fraction of a portion of a workload.

But out of that experience came my company. I’ve begun to build it ground up; bootstraps firmly held. Only gravity holds my feet on the ground these days it seems.

I’m learning several new programming languages concurrently…I wish I could say that it were easy to do so, but it’s real work.

I’ve thought rather intensely when I’ve got some free time about the major events of my life, many of which have been the kinds of things that can break people.

I tend to jump back and forth on the idea that things happen for a reason. If you asked me today I’d tell you that they do, and that they have built me into something that can take almost any hit right on the chin and grin through it.

Somedays I feel it more than others but I’m still looking up and that is pure encouragement.

I’m building worlds, some with words, some with pixels but I’m making dreams real, my own for the moment and hopefully someday I’ll be able to build it into something so big it can make other people’s dreams become real and tangible – to make those secret hopes they cling to in the deepest hidey-holes in their hearts become their lives.

I know that in person I can “come off” as arrogant, egotistical, hard, irreverent and sometimes (more than) a little crazy.

I am wild. I am unapologetic. I am the me I am because I was molded by time and experiences: in that I am just like you.

Underneath all of that still lives the little boy that looked up into the night sky and dreamt of setting foot on the planets that orbited those visible stars.

Well, failing that, the man that encapsulates that boy will do his best to bring those stars down here where we can all marvel at them.

Quest-ions v2

A conclusion has been drawn and redrawn among the people that know best, and that conclusion is that I do not feel feelings.

This is more or less true at most times. For a large part of my life I had thought that feelings were a weakness (how very Sith of me, I know) but I’ve been learning, and relearning that there is a peculiar strength that lies in that weakness. Perhaps even intrinsically tied to it.

Therein lies the question.

How does being weak make one strong? This question excites the social-scientist in me. However, my socio-cultural research was almost always confined to the fringes of the societies I studied.

Deviance in all of its forms is qualitatively exciting, I always have questions for people that are considered ‘deviant’ by their culture. It is most likely a function of the ‘why?’ part of my personality.

At any rate, I am digressing and talking about myself instead of the question. I thought about it, ruminating furiously. I decided that this particular question is one of pure conjecture, perfectly subjective.

There exists no paradigm for testing it. Therefore it can be explored only with opinion…ugh philosophy…sure philosophy sounds good on paper but really? How useful is a philosopher in any crisis? Unless that crisis involves a poorly deduced fallacy or a badly designed Venn diagram…not much. Again, I digress.

So really, how does being weak lead to strength?

That’s not a rhetorical question. Input pleeeeeeease and thankya.

And I’ll tell you, in a post not-yet-as-written, what I’ve come up with.


When one begins downloading songs from one’s favorite video games one has opened a door.

A geeky, geeky door.

One that cannot be closed.

One has made peace with this.