Archive for the ‘ Uncategorized ’ Category


So it’s been 3+ years. I think maybe it’s the frantic pace of parenthood, husbandhood and the rat race of the corporate world that are drinking my best creative juices….that sounds weirder than I wanted it to.

Of course it could just be that the medication works. Mental shrugs aside, I’m doing quite well.

I’m not sure where I want to start talking here honestly. I still have a lot of theories about the nature of our existence, some wisdom; hard fought for, to add to my sometimes naive beliefs about the basic goodness of people and planet.

I’ll do my best to write some down. Consider this log, reawakened.



Russians and stuff

I like the Cyrillic alphabet, mix it with enough Greek and Mandarin and it looks like aliens wrote it – and in a sense they did.


I am the machine

I sometimes push myself too hard, force of habit I suppose. Had to get some cortisone injections as the result of my pure, cussed stubbornness. 

I’m not really injured. Nooooooo. It’ll be fine. 

Four months later I’m at my sports doc and he’s shaking his head, the same head shake I got when he asked me how I’d run an eleven-fifty-eight mile and a half on a grade two torn hamstring….this time neither of my elbows were working all that well but I’d still managed to keep my day to day rock solid…even if there was some sand pouring out of the joints.

It’s late, and if I can actually wake up on time, I’m going to run a few the early a.m.


Why bother writing anything down here. It’s digital, there will be no permanent record of these thoughts or the person who thought them. 

They are but ones and zeroes, easily changed, easily  deleted as if they never were. 

As if I, never were. 

The Last Jedi

There will always be darkness in our world, otherwise we’d have no light. The dualities of our existence, at least as we can perceive it, require that each action have an equal and opposite re-action.

Light and dark. Good and evil. Black and white. Matter and antimatter/dark matter. Atmosphere and vacuum. Stars and black holes. Night and day. Predator and prey.

Because of the duality of our world, our lives, our very thoughts, I wonder at the idea of monotheism. Is it simply a function of the mass bombardment of pairs of things that make people want to believe in one unifying force. 

Because whatever you call your God, what you’re really talking about is force: life force, the force to carve a universe from the sheer absence of anything that we can understand. The connectedness of people, of plants and animals of our sky and our ocean. All of our lives are circumscribed by the connected dualities of our planet and our galaxy, our local cluster, our supercluster and on outward until the numbers are so immense that they make little sense to our little minds.

This force is not something you can control without damaging it, you can groom it, you can direct and divert it, but control causes it to break. Look at the damming of big rivers, or watering that cesspool in the desert we call Los Angeles. Broken, dark, ugly. All of it. 

If you try hard enough, if you are truly mindful of your surroundings, you can sense the edges of this force, like glowing strands of thread at the edge of a woven rug, it sounds insane, but the Jedi had it right – the living force is all around you, if you but put down the computers and the television shows and the (excuse me Chuck but I’m using this:) advertising that has you chasing cars and clothes, working jobs you hate, to buy shit you don’t need. 

Simplify, streamline, excise the excess.


Last day of an orbit

The day isn’t actually 24 hours long. It’s why we have leap year. You’d think the calendar would be metric.

This year has been intense. In a good way.

I’m still moving forward, still breathing, still fighting.

I am many things, and there are many more things that I am not.

The journey of a life, measured in whatever manner isn’t one that should be considered in space-time but in growth, in that quasi-desperate, quest-for-answers-in-universe-that-offers-only-questions, kind of way.

I still want to know why. But I am getting a bit more comfortable with knowing the what when where and how, only a bit.

Why is always the question. The only one that really matters. Purpose, place – peace, they all come from why.

Some people find their own whys I like those, the idea that you can carve yourself out a bit of peace in this world.

But ever-always lurking in the darkness at the edge of my fire is the eternal why that I want answered.

See you next orbit, millions-year-old-evolved-mammals.


“The greatest thing about being a scientist is that you never have to grow up.”
– Neil deGrasse Tyson

I’ve always enjoyed science as an academic discipline, as a way to categorize the world around me…as a safe place where it doesn’t matter what you believe because truth is truth and the facts don’t lie.

Humanity is messy, the world we’ve created, the social construct is even messier. So imperfect, is it because we are, as a species, incapable of perfection or because there is no such thing in subjective reality?

I have no real answers. Just data, and my interpretation of that data is just that, my interpretation.

Where do I begin?

As the title says…at any rate 2012 is almost gone and it has been a year filled with both normalcy and insanity.

I rather like that.

I deleted my Facebook. Absolutely liberating that.

I dissolved the LLC I was partnered in, the short of the long – my partner never held up anything remotely resembling a fraction of a portion of a workload.

But out of that experience came my company. I’ve begun to build it ground up; bootstraps firmly held. Only gravity holds my feet on the ground these days it seems.

I’m learning several new programming languages concurrently…I wish I could say that it were easy to do so, but it’s real work.

I’ve thought rather intensely when I’ve got some free time about the major events of my life, many of which have been the kinds of things that can break people.

I tend to jump back and forth on the idea that things happen for a reason. If you asked me today I’d tell you that they do, and that they have built me into something that can take almost any hit right on the chin and grin through it.

Somedays I feel it more than others but I’m still looking up and that is pure encouragement.

I’m building worlds, some with words, some with pixels but I’m making dreams real, my own for the moment and hopefully someday I’ll be able to build it into something so big it can make other people’s dreams become real and tangible – to make those secret hopes they cling to in the deepest hidey-holes in their hearts become their lives.

I know that in person I can “come off” as arrogant, egotistical, hard, irreverent and sometimes (more than) a little crazy.

I am wild. I am unapologetic. I am the me I am because I was molded by time and experiences: in that I am just like you.

Underneath all of that still lives the little boy that looked up into the night sky and dreamt of setting foot on the planets that orbited those visible stars.

Well, failing that, the man that encapsulates that boy will do his best to bring those stars down here where we can all marvel at them.


So many half-written posts sit in my upload cue.

I don’t even have time to complete a thought lately.


2011 in review (stats)

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,100 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 35 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.