Archive for January, 2012

Swoosh

I can feel something stirring, deep inside of me.

Something I no longer thought I was capable of. Something that I had, in my infinite naïveté, believed was dead.

I cannot explain it, I suppose that these things just happen. I think it has been buried in my subconscious for months now. Waiting like a whisper, just beyond the edge of hearing. A low, throaty hum, buzzing in the back of my thoughts.

It waits for its moment. A moment that you’re never quite prepared for. And then it springs; roaring into your mind like a hurricane of thought and feeling. An inrushing surge of…wow. It is a flood and I am swept up in its wake.

Excitement, trepidation – neither word is quite adequate.

My eyes open, I can see the filmy tendrils of my breath in winter wind flowing forth; physical manifestations of that which is now flowing through my veins.

I wonder, at moments like these, what sort of plan is behind my personal universe. What it is that I am supposed to garner from these flashes of clarity.

I also think that I think too much.

Just do it. That’s what it says on the side of my running shoes.

Swoosh.

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Ad gladium

In the world of the gladiator, a man’s fame and glory construct their own truth.

I’m still wrapping my mind around that one. I get it, it’s actually quite easily divested of meaning. It’s the logic behind the statement that I’m examining. The idea that rumor and gossip become the truth of a man, simply because his name is on everyone’s lips. That a man’s real self becomes lost in the translation.

It makes the statement become one of immense sadness.

Ah, well. Such are the thoughts that consume my Sunday while I should be editing.

Ever upward

Never lower your gaze from the heavens, aim for those stars that populate the sky; cast your own brilliance back at them.

Shine, with a brightness built of purpose and find the greatness that rests inside each and every one of us.

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Keep your head up, unbroken and unbowed.

Un

I cannot quite describe how I am feeling at this exact moment.

I do know this, someone needs to change my iTunes password.

Seriously. Impulse buys are filling my purchased playlist.

I’m on my favorite top-step perch, it seems to be where I do most of my ruminating these days.

And of course as I am now never without my iPhone and all of the apps and music it holds; my thought processes are tied to the wonders contained within its circuitry.

I think I need to unplug, un-think, unaware myself to the world.

Yes, I know I used unaware improperly there. I’m a writer. But I enjoy verbing words.

I feel almost lost. Not in the geographical sense, but somewhere inside I seem to have lost something. Something indistinct and half-tangible. Yet somehow something so very real.

I honestly don’t know what I’m trying to say.

The non, the fiction.

Life isn’t perfect. We aren’t perfect, but the perfect thing about life is that you get to choose who is perfect for you.

We get to choose who we let into our our weird, private little lives. We can choose who gets to see the barest possible soul inside the layers of armor and pretense that we are forced to wear daily by our imperfect world.

Truth superseded by the image, what we want others to believe to be true superimposed over the reality of ourselves.

So elusive, the real.

Glances

Sometimes, for brief moments, everything makes sense. Then, as soon as the feeling registers, it is gone and I am hollow.

I find that enlightenment comes in fits and starts; pieces like Lego blocks fitting together then falling down before the full picture can be fully glimpsed.

I wonder at the universe and our place within its machinery. Always the question is purpose.

It is ever the why that draws me. Stolen glances, surreptitious wishes.

Mis(s)

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.