Archive for the ‘ Military ’ Category
A great white-golden light
in the sat-feed from the west
the technological wonders of my home glowing bright.
The brighter white stars
of the uncluttered east over my head
as I glance up from the
gee-ar-gee on my
right wrist.
On my left a gee-pee-ess
the blue-force-tracker:
a corded bracelet…
new world and old
encompassed on my flesh
should I but face North.
I find some small solace
in the irony.
I find myself,
as if awoken from,
a dream of gilded,
lamps and golden mirrors.
There is steel found here,
this desert,
this sandstormed reality,
of space and time.
The gilded dream is,
programmed, conditioned –
all constructed,
for you.
Only my real ones smell of copper and
cordite; gunpowder and blood.
Awakened,
the colors are a mere shade,
of what I know they should be,
you see, that’s the way…
the way they conditioned,
me.
I want to sleep. I have a lot on my mind though.
I have not slept well often in the last several years. Post traumatic stress is a motherfucker on your subconscious.
I have special people to me, in my life, that suffer it’s awful effects. I wish that I were able to take all of their pain and make it my own so that they would no longer have to worry about the next minute, hour, day.
I know that I am strong, I don’t think that any of them are weak, it’s more that I know I was given broad shoulders and that I’d gladly carry their portion of the burden for them, even for just a little while.
Long enough for them to be able to reach deep and find a genuine smile. Some laughter amid the pain, hope rising from the ashes.
I wish I could.
❤
There’s a website called reddit – you may have heard of it.
At any rate I read a comment about running that resonates and I thought I’d share it:
This is sort of how I started running too. When my life was falling apart and I thought nothing else could go right I started going to the gym to force myself into something social everday. Just to interact with people. Just to do SOMETHING.
And then I started running. And then it started being about me. And that feeling. And the act. And how free it was. How independent. How strong. How I didn’t have to hold back anything like I did with the rest of the world. On the treadmill, on the trails, on the track, in my running shoes I was allowed to be raw anger and pain and frustration and loneliness and strength, too, because fuck the world that doesn’t think it takes strength to be alone.
Fast forward six months – my first 5k. Six more – half marathon. A year – marathon. I’m still the only one I know who’s done it. I’m about to start training for the triathlon. And yeah, I like my body a lot better now, not so much because of the way it looks but because it is a powerful, independent, free extension of the strength I carry and I can show that any time.
So you, more power to you. Run. Run for as long as it makes you happy. There’s nothing like that first ten miler that you take in the middle of the night without your phone or telling anyone where you went and you think it’s never going to end and when you finally finish your legs are fucked for the next three days, but fuckitall if it wasn’t worth it.
Running’s like that. Welcome to the family.
Actual post on reddit with comment.
A little off-topic but ever in my heart and thoughts – to my best friend holding down that bar, keeping my seat open: I’ll see you again someday buddy, but not yet.
David R. Greenslade
Kandahar City, Afghanistan
04/08/07
Annnnnnnnd let the random begin:
I am neither sleeping nor eating enough.
It’s nice being back at one-eight-five though.
I keep having the oddest dreams, a-cee-you dreams with an em-four I’ve named lucy.
(I enjoy spelling things phonetically.)
All of the bruises and scars have new meanings in this dream; they no longer make sense when I am alert in the waking world.
I find myself thinking, over-thinking everything I think I know to be true about this life.
Always I search for purpose, for some sort of rational order to the chaos that is reality. I have always been a seeker, I wonder now what it is I have sought.
Thumping-metal-raid-music is the soundtrack. Sometimes in the background-quiet, now growing louder.
Sand and dirty water clash in explosions of sound and color; an oft-conflicting riot of sensory input pushes the world fully off-kilter as my boots hit the ground. Everything dials down to a scoped-view of about thirty-eight degrees. Red donut firmly in the center.
Almost memories they are. I always awake feeling like time has warped and it’s two-thousand-two again, a ball-chain around my neck, gritty with sand and sweat. Lost in the glare of a desert reflected from the polarized lenses I wear.
❤
We pull upon the risers
We fall upon the grass
We never land upon our feet
We always hit our ass
Hide tidee, Christ almighty
Who the hell are we?
Zim zam, goddamn!
We’re Airborne Infantry
Cadence from the 506th Parachute Infantry. Circa WWII.
❤
Today is Memorial Day. And today I feel somewhat obligated to write about the people who have fought and in some cases died for us.
When I think about what memorial day is supposed to mean, I think of friends that I have lost, friends who have sacrificed so much. I find the posturing of the media, politicians and others rather insulting. Yes, these men and women sacrificed their lives for an ideal, for what was best for the world. They also sacrificed themselves for things much more immediate and often times much more mundane.
Friends, family, an education. The guy next to you- there are many things more common than ideals that the men and women of our armed forces die for. As one of my friends says: ‘it’s a job, I get paid to do this.’
Today I don’t really want to think about the reasons we lose friends, family, countrymen; fellow human beings with hopes and dreams to wars that many times make no sense.
Today, I’m just going to say a vague thank you and to all of those that I have lost personally: I miss you, I always will.
❤
curro ergo sum 