Quest-ions v2
A conclusion has been drawn and redrawn among the people that know best, and that conclusion is that I do not feel feelings.
This is more or less true at most times. For a large part of my life I had thought that feelings were a weakness (how very Sith of me, I know) but I’ve been learning, and relearning that there is a peculiar strength that lies in that weakness. Perhaps even intrinsically tied to it.
Therein lies the question.
How does being weak make one strong? This question excites the social-scientist in me. However, my socio-cultural research was almost always confined to the fringes of the societies I studied.
Deviance in all of its forms is qualitatively exciting, I always have questions for people that are considered ‘deviant’ by their culture. It is most likely a function of the ‘why?’ part of my personality.
At any rate, I am digressing and talking about myself instead of the question. I thought about it, ruminating furiously. I decided that this particular question is one of pure conjecture, perfectly subjective.
There exists no paradigm for testing it. Therefore it can be explored only with opinion…ugh philosophy…sure philosophy sounds good on paper but really? How useful is a philosopher in any crisis? Unless that crisis involves a poorly deduced fallacy or a badly designed Venn diagram…not much. Again, I digress.
So really, how does being weak lead to strength?
That’s not a rhetorical question. Input pleeeeeeease and thankya.
And I’ll tell you, in a post not-yet-as-written, what I’ve come up with.
❤
curro ergo sum 
I guess that depends on what you mean by “weak.” If you mean simply what you’ve said here, feelings = weakness, then I’ll tell you that I used to think the exact opposite. Those that were too afraid to feel were weak or somehow less than. I mostly just felt sorry for them though instead of thinking in terms of strength/weakness.
In fact, I used to think that feelings were superior. I would say, “The heart is omniscient to the mind.” But over the last year I’ve learned that simply isn’t true. While feelings are very valuable, they serve you best as part of a team with your mind. Sometimes you acknowledge your feelings, but go with logic. Other times, logic is insufficient. I think there’s an art to it…I’m still learning.
This is why my favorite word is balance. I would say you’re not as strong a person as you could be if you run around constantly letting your feelings dictate your every move and neither are you if you constantly repress your feelings or are not even aware of them.
Also, there are other conversations to be had, things to think about such as what, exactly, are feelings. From where do they originate? Which comes first, the thought or the feeling, ha.
It’s a complicated topic. Sometimes we can have “false” feelings. They’re very real to us, but more based on past experiences or “wrong” thinking. A couple of examples that come to mind: growing up in a dysfunctional family and then falling in love as an adult. Is it really love you’re feeling, or is it lust, infatuation, attachment or need? Being a survivor of domestic violence or a childhood survivor of sexual abuse can lead to being hyper-sensitive, feeling anxious or perceiving (possible) danger when there is none.
I’m going off on tangents though.
To answer your question simply: I have found inner-strength in my weakest moments and those times have been the most valuable to me, where I’ve learned and grown the most.
Feelings are an asset, not a liability. Think of a basic survival kit. Think of feelings as one of the major items contained in that kit such as matches or a magnesium fire starter. Can you survive without them? Possibly, but wouldn’t you rather be with than without?
Being able to be vulnerable reaps the biggest rewards. Allowing feelings to flow through you can create an amazing flow of energy between you and another.
And I may as well throw this in, too. I realize I don’t know you but I would disagree with “the people that know best” who have concluded that you don’t feel feelings. Perhaps you’ve been taught to ignore them or that your feelings don’t matter. Maybe you repress them because you’ve thought they’re a bad thing, a sign of weakness, but a quick review of your blog can prove you do feel.
You love to write…maybe you should start a feelings journal. In the front of it make a list of feeling words, maybe just start with the basics, or primary feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, (sexual?). All other emotions are secondary and sometimes we don’t recognize what’s underneath. (A lot of times anger is a secondary emotion.) This is just a suggestion but I think it will help you to begin to identify what you’re feeling and why. Think of them as untapped power. Maybe that will make getting in touch with them sound more appealing.
That’s my two cents. 😉
I seriously don’t even know where to start on this one, ‘awesome comment’ falls a far piece too short to adequately describe. I often don’t know where the emotions that do crop up come from, I tend to be very logic about feelings. I know that it’s a bit of an oxymoron, logical feelings, but I’ve always tried to analyze and understand emotion with those tools. I think that the feelings I can explain are somehow less frightening than those that seemingly come from nowhere (subconscious?) but something odd has been happening to me lately. It’s completely inexplicable, both terrifying and exhilarating and I’ve decided to take your advice from an earlier post and just feel 🙂