Author Archive

Fey

*this post was in my upload cue, I’m not certain when I wrote it, but it’s probably at least a couple of weeks old*

Odd, this day was odd.

I’m sure I could regale you with a play-by-play of each and every annoying event or irritating instance from the last sixteen hours or so of my life.

But I’d rather ruminate on the emotional content of the roller coaster I rode all day.

Very strange, I feel like I ran through just about every emotion that you can feel as a human today. And that doesn’t even really begin to cover it. There were the oddest combinations of emotions.

I haven’t felt this insane since I was in my teens. I can safely say that I am moderately unamused with it. I really don’t even know what to say about it, except that I’d really like to never do that again.

I think that I may need to disappear for a while.

❤

2011
06/09
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Leave a comment

Deletions

I have deleted so many posts over the last few days.

I’m uncertain how to say exactly what I want to say it seems.

Ah well at least the novel is coming along nicely and my new job, aside from the loss of some of my left nipple is also going well.

I’m still running. I sometimes wonder if I’m still running from myself, but I feel like that is an old fear an one that is unfounded for the most part.

Anyway I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

I always do.

❤

2011
06/09
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Love
Writing
Leave a comment

Birthday

So, today is my birthday.

I woke up with an insanely sore neck, apparently I did not sleep on it at all properly. Pretty sweet for my first day on the new job. And here I was excited about the symbolism in the symmetry of starting a new job on the same day as another year of life.

Now I may have to get excited about the symbolism in the egregious neck pain on my first day/birth day.

In other news I think I finally figured out the best way to end my novel.

Finally.

I need espresso. Lots and lots of espresso.

Among other things.

Life has felt a little strange lately. But I guess that I’ve made peace with that.

❤

2011
06/07
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Writing
TAGS
Leave a comment

Grown

“I wonder why, I’ve never wondered why, the easiest things are so hard.”

Sometimes I believe that complexities are what I will always find.

I think that growing up is simply accepting the fact that you don’t always get to do what you want, but that you always have to do what you must.

I have no worries. I believe that I can handle anything thrown my direction. And it’s an easy thing to say when you think about it: would you trust anyone but yourself to handle your life?

I wouldn’t either.

❤

2011
06/06
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Leave a comment

Begin

Changes.

Good changes.

My body is finally getting back to healthy so my new running schedule is an actuality instead of a distant memory.

New job, I will be at an orientation in the morning, fairly exciting.

I’ll miss my old job but it does save me from a moral dilemma. Which I’m going to go ahead and be vague about.

I hope I never get good at saying good bye. But sometimes I do wish I were possessed of more strength.

Tomorrow I begin again.

❤

2011
06/05
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Running
Leave a comment

Tempered

Today will be a crucible, and I’m not certain, never certain, what will be forged and what will fall away.

❤

2011
06/03
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Leave a comment

Block(ed) no more

Dear literary gods,

Thanks for getting rid of my writer’s block.

🙂

I’ll be back after the muse deserts me.

❤

2011
06/02
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Writing
Leave a comment

Dictionary Dreamer

I love the word “transmutation”.

I think because I love the idea that you can change something into something else. Like changing a bad mood into a good one, or a sense of melancholy hopelessness into a joie de vivre that authors impress upon on our characters but seem to seldom find in our personal lives.

I am a seeker. I am a dreamer. I am a writer.

I am all of these things which make me uniquely (not so in a sense and yet very so in others) suited to cataloguing the human condition; this human experience that can be so very ordinary in it’s extraordinariness and vice-versa.

I find that some of my most contented moments are when I am crafting an amalgamate of real emotional discourse and imaginary characters. Characters that, were I not quite so impressed with my ability to put words together, would not exist.

I tell some of my own story every time my fingers hit the keyboard on my laptop; every time some joy or pain bleeds off of the page it is because it has flowed through me into my stories.

My story becomes my stories becomes my (his)tory.

20110601-090739.jpg

I know that I have been given gifts, tremendous gifts. All of my talents and intelligence are a privilege, a gift. And they are a privilege that I am genuinely honored to have.

I feel that I have a responsibility to use them; there’s a quote, I’m not certain of the exact words so I’ll paraphrase:

“Your talents are your gift from God, what you do with your talents are your gift to God.”

❤

2011
06/01
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Inspiration
Life
Love
Writing
Leave a comment

Simplicities

I’ve been thinking. I know, I know; why would I ruin a perfectly good afternoon with that?

Well, I did it anyway and honestly it’s not a new thought I had. In point of fact, it’s not even particularly original.

But what it is is something that I find very much striking for it’s simultaneous complexity and simplicity.

We all know how much I love paradox:

In your life you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you, then you meet one person, and your life is forever changed.

It’s worth thinking about, no?

❤

2011
06/01
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
Love
Leave a comment

Oddities

Something tells me that this week is going to be odd.

I’ve got too many ideas. Sounds like whining doesn’t it? It’s hard to keep them all straight sometimes. I need to take a day, turn my phone off and just write.

Hmmm, and run. Which would require that I turn my phone on, since it’s my iPod. And one of my platforms for writing. And of course my link to the world.

A quandary. I enjoy puzzles.

I feel strangely guarded today, I’m not certain how I feel about that though. For a very long time, I had gotten so used to having these unbreachable, insanely thick walls, that I didn’t even notice that they were there anymore. When I’d finally torn them down and looked out into the sunny fields around my fortress:

I could finally breathe.

Now when I look out, I feel like there’s sun sparkling on a moat that constructed itself while I slept and I don’t know why and while it’s certainly pretty, it’s no longer necessary and I wonder why it is here.

I rather enjoy allegory.

❤

2011
05/31
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Inspiration
Life
Love
Running
Writing
Leave a comment