cogito ergo doleo

My heart feels like lead in my chest. Heavy and lifeless. My mind whirls in a thousand different directions, none of them pleasant.

I wonder if I am being foolish, or if my perception is colored by experience.

It doesn’t make this icy dread any easier to bear, but it does make it somewhat less mysterious.

Sometimes I think my mind plays tricks on me, and sometimes I think my heart convinces my mind that it shouldn’t worry when it really should and I can never tell the difference until I’m looking back.

I think that I think too much.

And alternately that my harmor is both too thick and not thick enough.

(This post feels pointless. It serves no real purpose, and yet I find myself unwilling to delete it. Perhaps I should sacrifice my stream of thought blog for one of thoughtful polished utility?)

Let’s clarify: I am a paradoxical mixture of diametrically opposed halves. I am duality personified; both hopeless and hopeful and every other emotion and its opposite emotion you can be.

I believe the word you’re looking for is befuddled.

Keep it real kids,
❤ ry