cogito ergo doleo

It is so hard for me to hold back, in any aspect of my life. I’ve always been a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy, so I have some difficulty with not giving one hundred percent to whatever it is I’m doing.

I tend to put my whole heart into everything that I care about. Which, I’ve been told is endearing. It is, however, somewhat dangerous for me.

I don’t know what the experience is like for other people but I can’t imagine that it’s that much different.

That said I think that I sometimes fear giving too much more than not giving enough. I think that when I do I lose pieces of myself that I’ll never get back.

I go back and forth on whether or not that’s a good thing.

There are, assuredly, pieces of me that I have lost that I never want to see again. The good pieces though, those I hope to never lose. I never want to feel so cynical, so jaded, so incredibly un-alive ever again.

“I wonder why, I’ve never wondered why, the easiest things are so hard.”

I find myself secretly wishing I could fast-forward life and equally so that some moments would never end.

It’s a paradox, I know; it’s another thing that is very muchly what I do.

❤