Instinct(ive)

I’ve always thought that perhaps I think too much.

That I feel too much. For the longest time I tried very hard to not feel anything, but even so I still over-thought everything.

To an extent, I still do.

I wonder what other people’s thoughts are like, sometimes anyway; if they think things that I think or feel things that I feel. In generalities sure, but I mean specifically.

I think that everyone’s thoughts and feelings are irrevocably colored by their experiences; that their every emotion is made unique by their past, every joy tinged with a personal and specific pain.

I find that past seems to repeat itself, and I wonder what lesson I have not learned that I am doomed to repeat it so.

I wonder what is on your mind.

I wonder many things; not all of them make sense, but some specifics make my heart skip beats, there is ice flowing in my veins, the spiking rush of adrenaline makes my mind impossible to decode and I realize that there is no redemption at the end of that particular road.

Perhaps there is no such thing, but I like the concept all the same.

Perhaps, I may have mentioned before, that I simply think too much.

Perhaps.

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  1. I wonder the same things and if you’re lucky, you’ll find a brave few that will share. Unfortunately, most fiercely guard those things.

    At least that’s what I think.

    • I think you are quite correct, sometimes it’s so difficult to get out of the habit of guardedness, to open up can become increasingly less worthwhile. I have always found it hard to separate the trustworthy from the rest of the crowd; they all look the same and say the same things.

      Of course, I could be wrong.

      • Yes, exactly! I don’t know how to tell the difference and in the past I’ve given too much information and trust to the wrong people and getting hurt, making the effort seem less worthwhile. I think the answer, as I’m learning in most areas, is balance. To give a little until more is “earned” or until they prove to be trustworthy.

        At least that’s what I’m gonna shoot for.

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