…a man needs something he can hold onto, a nine-pound hammer or a woman like you, either one of those things will do…a picture of you holding a picture of me in the pocket of my blue jeans, still don’t know what love means…

That resonates today, equal parts anguish and angst.

Suspended animation, ice running through my veins. Trapped here in the melancholy of my memory.

The rollercoaster of (my) life is more about misery than amusement lately. I find myself oddly comforted by quantum mechanics today; many worlds theory. I can look back and see every choice that has led to this place.

Like signposts, or in my mind matrix theory; a black canvas lit up in glowing blues, whites and reds, each glowing ball a decision – roads flowing from each to other matrices. The colors signify my belief in the correctness of a particular decision that led to a particular time and place.

I can see where I have done things perfectly, horribly or simply made the only choice available in certain situations. I find the map grows fuzzy where choices were taken out of my hands; balls dropped, things broken.

Somewhere out there, in an alternate reality, filmy and half-real, is a me who does everything right.

I wonder what he has learned from his life.

  1. “a man needs something he can hold onto, a nine-pound hammer or a woman like you”

    Did you write that, or are those lyrics from a song? Who wrote it? Great, great line.

    • Actually that’s from the song Jolene by Ray LaMontagne. It’s an awesome song for sure!

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