Author Archive

(well) written

“An idea. An idea is like a virus. Resilient, highly contagious. Once an idea’s taken hold in the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. And the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define…or destroy you.”

I absolutely love that quote.

Tonight (or this morning I suppose) once again, I can’t sleep.

As has been a trend lately I’m not feeling all that amazing physically, but I’m oddly in a pretty good mood. I’m not certain how that works but I’m not going to question my good fortune in the face of bad fortune…what an awkward statement. I suppose it will have to do, my brain is only half functional at the moment.

Yes, I am quite strange; further proof I believe.

In other news I may have to restructure the following two novels in the first chronicles. Not a huge deal since I’m still finishing the first novel of the trilogy, but it definitely requires a bit of a perceptual shift in terms of character development in said first novel.

Basically, I’ve come up with some pretty sweet new additions to the plot and since I’m rather enamored of them I’m going to keep them and add a bit to my later workload.

I think that it’ll be very worth it; I’m always talking about the idea that a novel should be an amalgamate of several great ideas, all working together to weave a story that enraptures the reader.

That said: I want to create something so compelling that you won’t want to put it down. I want to create a world you will wish were real every bit as much as I do.

I’d like to believe that I’ve gotten off to a good start on that.

❤

2011
06/19
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CATEGORY
Inspiration
Life
Observations
Writing
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Chips

It’s been a while.

A while, since I’ve sat down and really thought about how I am feeling, and why.

This past week has been incredibly stressful and hectic. Unfortunately for me nothing has been anything that I can control or modify. I dislike the feeling of helplessness intensely.

It has also made my blood glucose almost impossible to control. Which is stressful, which makes it harder to control…

Sometimes I can only laugh at the irony of it all. Ah well, better laughing than crying I suppose, no?

I wish that I had answers. I’m a problem solver, I like to find solutions to things, to fix things. It makes it somewhat difficult to accept that sometimes the only solution is to just let it all go.

To let the chips fall where they may. To let that which does not matter truly slide.

❤

2011
06/18
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CATEGORY
Inspiration
Life
Love
Observations
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This post will bore you

I could use a drink.

Just throwing that out there.

Today has been pretty uneventful, lot going on inside, not too much outside; well except my car’s assassination attempt.

Again.

I’ve got to get a new ride. Stat.

❤

2011
06/17
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CATEGORY
Life
Observations
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Amorphous

I feel like a lot of my posts have been quite vague and amorphous lately.

Sorry about that.

Anyway, my new job is pretty cool, there are a lot of great people there: which makes just about any job that much better.

I’ve been writing a lot in my off time, which is between ten pm and two pm.

I’ve always been more of a night person.

I’m so much more creative after midnight it seems.

Other than some assorted mundanities I don’t really have a lot to report. I’m keeping a lot of things close to the vest these days.

While being careful is a good thing, I still rather wish I didn’t have to be.

Ah well, such is life.

Such, at any rate, is my life.

❤

2011
06/17
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Life
Observations
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All that shimmers

Today wobbles like desert heat-shimmer.

It could go either way but I suspect that it will be a day that will try my soul.

I am becoming somewhat accustomed to such days, I’d vastly prefer not to be but since I can handle them I suppose it’s better me than someone who cannot handle these days, these thoughts; the feeling of not using ones potential.

I, like every person born on this earth, have greatness inside; locked away, waiting to be uncovered.

Some days I use it, days like today, I just hope it’s still there when I need it.

I am so weird.

❤

2011
06/16
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Inspiration
Life
Love
Observations
Writing
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Instinct(ive)

I’ve always thought that perhaps I think too much.

That I feel too much. For the longest time I tried very hard to not feel anything, but even so I still over-thought everything.

To an extent, I still do.

I wonder what other people’s thoughts are like, sometimes anyway; if they think things that I think or feel things that I feel. In generalities sure, but I mean specifically.

I think that everyone’s thoughts and feelings are irrevocably colored by their experiences; that their every emotion is made unique by their past, every joy tinged with a personal and specific pain.

I find that past seems to repeat itself, and I wonder what lesson I have not learned that I am doomed to repeat it so.

I wonder what is on your mind.

I wonder many things; not all of them make sense, but some specifics make my heart skip beats, there is ice flowing in my veins, the spiking rush of adrenaline makes my mind impossible to decode and I realize that there is no redemption at the end of that particular road.

Perhaps there is no such thing, but I like the concept all the same.

Perhaps, I may have mentioned before, that I simply think too much.

Perhaps.

❤

2011
06/14
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CATEGORY
Life
Observations
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Peace

I have discovered that I am at my best amidst the maelstrom; my home is the eye of the storm. The raging fury of swirling emotion is almost comforting in its intimacy, its inherent familiarity.

It allows me to be, me: creative, thoughtful, inventive…it is my unique blend of insane that lets my mind cycle through beings that are only real to me; until I loose them upon the world through my fingertips.

I have never been perfectly content and comfortable in my own skin until this very moment; something clicked and I am finally a peace with the past, the path and the uncertain future.

Its a glorious day to be alive.

❤

2011
06/12
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Life
Love
Observations
Writing
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S. Pentathol

I sometimes question my direction.

The people closest to me, those people that share my life, often tell me that I am much too hard on myself.

Conversely, I believe, that I am nowhere near hard enough on myself.

These last days I have found myself somewhat inexplicably sad; I had hoped that I would be past feeling sad over things that I cannot change by now.

Apparently I am still far too open, easy even. I almost wish I were still possessed of the suspicion that characterized my early adulthood; it made life much safer to inhabit.

Well from an emotional standpoint anyway. I tempted oblivion many times, and looking back I am very surprised that I am here to look back with surprise.

I am not completely hopeless, let me clarify: I am still thankful for many things in my life. It just seems as though the things that matter most to me will always be those that require baptism by fire.

I am sad to say that I am quite accustomed to being burned.

And obviously I am, as always, quite impressed by my facility with language.

Some things never change. Some things, do.

In my darkest moments, I believe that language will be my only legacy; all that will remain of the person I was, the passion that consumed me, the great love and greater sorrow that would come to define this mortal shell: words, these included.

I hope that more than that will be my speaker. I fear that it will be my Ender’s Game that speaks for me.

That, I think, is the moral of this particular story.

❤

2011
06/11
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Inspiration
Life
Love
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Melon Collie

Melancholy.

Over something that does not exist; maybe never did.

Maybe never except in my soul, my heart, my mind: blind.

In those brief moments i could fly.

2011
06/10
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Life
Love
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Fey

*this post was in my upload cue, I’m not certain when I wrote it, but it’s probably at least a couple of weeks old*

Odd, this day was odd.

I’m sure I could regale you with a play-by-play of each and every annoying event or irritating instance from the last sixteen hours or so of my life.

But I’d rather ruminate on the emotional content of the roller coaster I rode all day.

Very strange, I feel like I ran through just about every emotion that you can feel as a human today. And that doesn’t even really begin to cover it. There were the oddest combinations of emotions.

I haven’t felt this insane since I was in my teens. I can safely say that I am moderately unamused with it. I really don’t even know what to say about it, except that I’d really like to never do that again.

I think that I may need to disappear for a while.

❤

2011
06/09
POSTED BY
CATEGORY
Life
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