Archive for the ‘ Life ’ Category

Saline

Breathe.

Just breathe.

It feels like forever since I’ve been able to stop and breathe and sort through my thoughts.

Imagine Dragons. New band I’ve been listening to. When I get home from work I sort through iTunes’s proffered musical treats and then I plug my brain into my iPhone and close my eyes.

Trying to breathe.

Free time, something I miss and wish
I had more of. Scratch that, something I wish I had any of.

This post has no flow to it whatsoever. I’m too tired to write most of the time lately – which is mightily frustrating for someone who can only process things properly by writing them down.

Salt water and sunshine so close I can taste the saline.

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I’m running out of clever titles

I think I have too much to say, and never enough time to say it. I’ve got theories, like little stars – lighting up my mind.

So many ideas that I never talk about. I have never wondered why, until this very moment, 04:41 EST. 09/05/12.

Something new to think about anyway.

Cosmic Imperative

I ruminate. Rather often, in fact. But rarely of late have I put fingers to keyboard.

The idea of a cosmic imperative is at once comforting and disconcerting.

Comforting in a way that none of the religious traditions I am heir to have ever been.

Disconcerting because if this was intended then the universe is filled with a dark purpose I cannot quite comprehend.

I wonder if our technological aptitude has subverted this process, if we have not in some ways taken this imperative into our own hands. I wonder what the consequences will be.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton. He’s been right about much more than mathematics for us to disregard that.

I wonder. As always, when these quiet moments find me – it is some more wondering that I must do. Driven to it almost, as if there were an imperative that I do so.

I look inward first – ever inward – as if there are answers buried in my mind. Then pushing outward, sometimes, just sometimes I can almost feel my consciousness expand, encompassing much that is not me. And then it is gone, and I look out through a window onto the mundanity that is reality. And…

When I look at the world around me, those wonderings are generally dark. Hope, like the little glowing stars of cities seen from orbit, breaks up the darkness in places, but the shadow always grows to reclaim them.

Upon further review…

This schedule has left me drained, depleted. Sometimes my muse flees like a rat down dark hallways fast filling with water.

But still I manage. Ploddingly adding a word here, excising one there; editing…an excuse to flex fingers on keyboard.

And then there comes a sudden explosion of inspiration or of something very nearly so:

Rewriting the first several chapters, adding more depth, new characters emerge and demand that they be explored, explained – given stage time, the novel moves in strange new directions. My synopsis goes out the window.

Deadlines and plot be damned. The story begins to write itself; I feel more like a medium than a writer. I begin to believe that the words merely pass through me, from the aether, to you.

Yes, I know I’m weird. I’ve made peace with that.

Geno

He’s a good listener.

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And the beat goes on

Once again I am drawn southward. In a matter of scant months, I will be breathing salt-tinged air.

This is good.

Hiatusical like a musical but not.

I have been busy. It’s the playoffs (playoff beard in this heat has been murder but I persevere); I’ve got all sorts of reasons for why I’ve been basically ignoring my blog.

None of them are really true though.

It’s mostly just that I don’t have all that much to say right now, and wasting space, even digital space, isn’t my style.

I’m sure that my blog will once again have daily posts, I’m just not going to promise that that day is today.

Soooooo, yeah.

Keep rocking hard.