Archive for the ‘ Love ’ Category

Swoosh

I can feel something stirring, deep inside of me.

Something I no longer thought I was capable of. Something that I had, in my infinite naïveté, believed was dead.

I cannot explain it, I suppose that these things just happen. I think it has been buried in my subconscious for months now. Waiting like a whisper, just beyond the edge of hearing. A low, throaty hum, buzzing in the back of my thoughts.

It waits for its moment. A moment that you’re never quite prepared for. And then it springs; roaring into your mind like a hurricane of thought and feeling. An inrushing surge of…wow. It is a flood and I am swept up in its wake.

Excitement, trepidation – neither word is quite adequate.

My eyes open, I can see the filmy tendrils of my breath in winter wind flowing forth; physical manifestations of that which is now flowing through my veins.

I wonder, at moments like these, what sort of plan is behind my personal universe. What it is that I am supposed to garner from these flashes of clarity.

I also think that I think too much.

Just do it. That’s what it says on the side of my running shoes.

Swoosh.

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Un

I cannot quite describe how I am feeling at this exact moment.

I do know this, someone needs to change my iTunes password.

Seriously. Impulse buys are filling my purchased playlist.

I’m on my favorite top-step perch, it seems to be where I do most of my ruminating these days.

And of course as I am now never without my iPhone and all of the apps and music it holds; my thought processes are tied to the wonders contained within its circuitry.

I think I need to unplug, un-think, unaware myself to the world.

Yes, I know I used unaware improperly there. I’m a writer. But I enjoy verbing words.

I feel almost lost. Not in the geographical sense, but somewhere inside I seem to have lost something. Something indistinct and half-tangible. Yet somehow something so very real.

I honestly don’t know what I’m trying to say.

Glances

Sometimes, for brief moments, everything makes sense. Then, as soon as the feeling registers, it is gone and I am hollow.

I find that enlightenment comes in fits and starts; pieces like Lego blocks fitting together then falling down before the full picture can be fully glimpsed.

I wonder at the universe and our place within its machinery. Always the question is purpose.

It is ever the why that draws me. Stolen glances, surreptitious wishes.

Fulcrum

I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown
And I’m not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat
And I’m not keeping now, the strength I need to push me

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I’m alone
And so I tell myself that I’ll be strong
And dreaming when they’re gone

‘Cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling, calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I’m alone
Home

– Ellie Goulding

Good song, I like the bassnectar remix muchly.

I have had a couple of days to breathe, which is nice but still somehow feels somewhat counter-productive.

Kicking the energy level up several notches in the morning. Life doesn’t wait, it passes by while you make plans that never achieve fruition, while you dream dreams that never become real.

I don’t want that. I don’t want to look back upon wishes wished, now filmy and indistinct. I don’t want to regret not jumping when I could, never leaping without looking just because I was afraid of where I’d land.

I’m never scared of where I’ll land, I let fate handle that end of the business;
my job is to make sure I stick it.

My writing moves. It moves forward, now sprinting, now crawling-but always forward. Writing two books at the same time is interesting…I don’t recommend it.

This upcoming week is going to be intensely busy.

Bring it.

Reach forth

I should be tired.

Instead I’m wired.

I love my life lately. It’s been such a strange and oftentimes ridiculous road I’ve traveled to reach this time, this place.

I’ve had an unusual degree of focus for some time now. It is both odd and oddly comforting; as though I’ve finally broken through some unseen barrier in my mind.

It feels like a milestone I should have celebrated, but it passed silently, quietly; completely unaware I had stepped through a portal and freed myself.

Describing indescribable things is fun. I rather enjoy trying to place descriptors upon nameless, faceless things. Trying to reach into the blackness and pull ephemeral concepts from the aether.

I find it strangely satisfying. Or perhaps not so strangely if one knows me.

Just Do It

I’m awake and alive.

Such a simple statement. The words could literally mean just about anything.

For me they’re somewhat more complicated than the initial sentence reads.

There are moments in this life when everything dials down to just one thought, one feeling…one insane move that will completely change your life and the way you perceive it.

Forever.

When those moments find you, no matter how well prepared you believe yourself to be, there’s always an instant when you’ve got to steady yourself with a deep breath and then you have to jump. If you pause to think it over; to weigh the inherent possibilities of each decision, you’ll miss the chance to fly.

Today, I can fly.

Quotes and junk

In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love?

Igor Stravinsky

Just sayin.

In other news I’m currently obsessed with Aaron Lewis’ “Country Boy” give it a listen if you’re interested.

I also edited my about me page a bit. People are a process, as we edit ourselves we should edit our online personae. I think that the self-page descriptors should be a natural evolution that mirrors our progress as people; ever-changing, never static, dynamic beings of light and purpose.