Archive for the ‘ Love ’ Category

Disjointeries

As I type this I’m driving south down SR 7. Thinking. Thinking about life. The events that stand out in my mind like a neon marquee.

The choices I’ve made, the things I’ve done to survive everything the world has thrown at me.

I’ve said this before but it seems unusually close to the surface today. I’ve made the conscious decision to never let the past affect the future negatively.

Theres always time to reinvent yourself, to begin again-instead of starting over. It’s all about how you choose to perceive your life and, more importantly, yourself.

Side note: I’m currently singing Dub FX’s “Love Me Or Not” at the top of my lungs. The car is the only place you will catch me singing, soberly anyway.

Side side note: I’m quite impressed that my facility with languages and accents allows me to sing with a cockney accent.

Back to my stream of thought. I seem to spend a lot of my free time introspectively.

And back once again about fourteen hours later.

I probably shouldn’t blog while driving, just a thought.

You know something? I think that I’m actually way too tired to finish this post, so I’m going to do a ryanmccracken.org first:

To be continued…

*I actually fell asleep before I could upload this last night, there’s tired for ya.

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Faces, places, erases

I literally just deleted an entire post because it was paragraphs of words that said nothing. Not one useful or meaningful sentence in the entire thing.

I can be way too demanding of myself.

That said, I’m catching my breath after the galaxy-spanning-breakneck-speed-dance that was this past week.

I need to get more sleep.

That’s probably not going to happen for a little while.

I need to write.

I’ve been completely useless as a novelist this week. Sad, since I’m bursting with ideas that I’m simply too tired to write down.

I keep dreaming of the TGV. I find myself missing France. I’m not quite sure what the dream means but the gist is somehow fairly clear; signposts pop up in my subconscious and then there’s you.

I want to talk about you. I want to write down all the things my heart tells my mind when I think about you.

It always comes out as gibberish. It’s as though I simply lack the vocabulary to describe any of the things that run through me everytime I see your face.

I wish I could explain the way you just walked right through the walls I had constructed.

I think that someday, somehow I’ll learn that language.

Things and stuff

I haven’t had time to write the last couple of days. This week is crazy busy.

Hopefully I’ll have some time this weekend.

Also ruminating in the background for NaNoWriMo. I’m not completely certain what I’ll write, but I’ve got a character in mind. I think that he’s an interesting amalgamate of hopes, dreams, triumphs, defeats and anguish. He is tragically flawed, but he’s got potential.

I can build a world around him.

You’re fast becoming my reason. Not the only one of course, but a serious wow.

I rather like that.

Cautiously Optimistic

Warning: This is probably going to be a rather disjointed post.

So I’ve started doing the post a day challenge (rather late, I know, but I only found out about it around four or five hours ago).

I try to post everyday, I don’t always succeed so maybe the postaday2011 tag will help remind me.

I also signed up for NaNoWriMo. Or national novel writing month. It’s in november if you’re interested. If you win you get cool swag and if you don’t you still win because you just wrote a novel in a month. How freaking cool is that?

50,000 words in one month. Anything you want to write, no editing, no tweaking, just writing. I’m already writing a series, which I’m very much enjoying but this is going to be pure fun. I’m super excited to see what my incredibly random creation process comes up with.

I’ve been slacking on the running a bit as my workload has increased. Honestly though with a full time job and my writing gig it’s not like I’ve got a ton of free time anyway. So I don’t feel all that bad about being a slacker. In other words my bmi is still golden.

It wouldn’t hurt to do some crunches now and then though…

Hmmmm, my categories included love and inspiration so I feel somewhat obligated to mention them, since it’d be easier than deleting the tags.

What inspires me? I don’t know that I’ve really thought about that in serious detail. There are a ton of authors that I look up to, men and women who write words that speak directly to my soul.

This topic bears a more intensive discussion at a later date.

As for the love-tag. I’ll keep it simple: I can feel it on the edge of my awareness, it is slowly saturating my thoughts. It stalks my dreams and hovers behind my eyes when I awake.

It seems to permeate my every mindful action; making me strive to be the best possible version of me that I can be.

It’s an amazing feeling.

Annnnnd since I’m bored it’s picture time again:

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Someday I may explain why I sign my posts with a heart.

Randomy Random Randomness

Spending another Friday night writing.

Strangely enough, I’m pretty psyched about that.

In other news it is fcuking cold in Vancouver right now. (Yes, I meant to misspell the f-bomb. I’ve been trying to take the swearing out of my vocabulary, we’ll see how that goes.)

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Yep, wearing a ten-year old DC Shoes beanie. I’ve never seen anyone with this particular beanie, which aside from it’s remarkable comfortableness is why I love this hat.

What you can’t see in this snapshot is that my laptop is on my lap…keeping said lap extra-toasty.

Hopefully while most of my timezone is out getting schwasty-faced I’ll get four or five chapters at least outlined and even more hopefully, partially written.

Sidenote: I’m slightly jealous of everyone that’s out having a good time tonight.

Being an adult is sometimes not as much fun as I’d always imagined it would be.

Honestly, I find it rather Marxian at times. The choice to choose is usually just a multiple choice exam filled with things that you’d rather not do.

The choice you don’t get is the one I’d most like: the choice not to choose.

That said, it’s not all bad. I’ve always thought that life is what you make of what you’ve got.

From that perspective it’s very safe to say:

I freakin love my life.

Thereabouts

I considered writing this post in business letter format. Then I decided that I’m far too lazy for that level of pretension today.

At any rate, life seems to have begun to hit the right groove.

Writing is going swimmingly, it’s not going to cost me nearly as much as I’d thought to start my company and there’s a pretty amazing copilot for my journey.

Can’t complain today; not even my usual existential angst can gain a foothold lately.

Manifest Destiny

I’m of two minds on the idea of fate; that oh-so-prickly concept of destiny.

I like it.

And I don’t.

I hate the idea that I’m not the one in control of my life.

I love the idea that locked away in some maximum-security vault is a master plan, that could I but get a glimpse of, would allow my entire life to make perfect sense.

Everytime I think about fate or destiny I always end up thinking about the idea of soulmates. I absolutely love the concept that out there in the wide, wide world there is person that is a perfect match for each and every one of us.

I mean just think about that for a second. If you really think about the fact that human perception is based on dualities it makes perfect sense.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton was on to something there…

I also really love using physics to make tenuous connections to ephemeralities.

And while you’re pondering the perfection of the concept of soulmates, think about how statistically amazing it is when they find each other….billions of people on this ball of rock and water and somehow, someway, two people that fit together as though they were made from the same mold find each other in this hot mess that we inhabit?

Fate…Destiny…blind luck starts to look a little less appealing when I put it like that doesn’t it?

Just sayin.